To forgive and to forget or to hold on and regret

Holding a grudge can be one of the easiest things to do. Shutting someone out, pushing the most important people away, and hiding feelings away because it has been deemed “helpful” is even easier, at least for me. But one thing I think is extremely hard? Forgiving.

Honestly, maybe it isn’t the forgiving that I think is hard, maybe it’s the letting go part of it that follows. Maybe it’s both. But one of the things I struggle with is wrapping my brain around how one forgives without acknowledgement of an apology. For a lot of people it’s simple: they forget about it. Unfortunately, I don’t work like that and instead let it consume my energy and thoughts.

However, I think there’s hope. I think that one day I will be able to look back at this and think “Wow, why did I hold on to those things people said or did? Why did I think it defined me?” Hopefully, it turns out like that. I’ve chosen to believe it will or at least fake it until I make it there.

But like I said, forgiving and forgetting are difficult. Although, I don’t think they have to be. I believe there comes a time when a person can choose the path of forgiving and forgetting or holding on to the grudge. These are both hard paths, although I think one frees a person and the other consumes them. I know that I’m contradicting myself when I say this, but I truly believe that I have learned holding a grudge is just as hard if not more difficult than forgiving.

If I’ve learned anything in the last couple of months, which I have learned lots, I’ve learned holding onto a grudge takes more energy, it takes more effort, and overall it just drains a person mentally and leaves them feeling hurt, disappointed, and constantly worried.

So instead, I think we all should choose the path of forgiveness whether the situation demands it or not. We aren’t in control of our lives, but we are in control of the choices we make so why not choose the one that frees us? Why not choose happiness? I’m not sure why one wouldn’t, and I’m not sure why I haven’t. But, it’s time for a change because ultimately sometimes holding on does more harm than letting go and moving on.